Nothin But God changed my life... here's the story
I used to be a lesbian, I believe that I was born that way. I recall having gender confusion as early as Pre School. I couldn't understand why my uncle could walk around the house without a shirt on, but now I had to begin wearing training bras and t-shirt.
Over the years the conflict became more and more evident. I would rather dress in baggy clothes because it was more comfortable. I noticed that while most girls liked pink, I was more interested in green, red or blue. While the girls were sitting around talking at recess, I was on the basketball court or the football field with the boys. I knew I was different when the cute boy in school liked me and I could careless yet all of the girls were mad because I was the one he liked me.
These issues truly began to shift around middle school/high school when I started to find myself attracted to other girls. It was strange because I didn't want to be attracted to them. I certainly didn't want a girlfriend and that harsh label (at the time) of being “gay”. I began to suppress these emotions even dating a couple of guys here and there throughout high school. As my senior year rolls around and wraps up this concept is becoming a constant nuisance in my thought life. Maybe it was the mystery of unknown or the idea that it was wrong making it more and more appealing to me as the days passed. Once this volleyball player complimented me on my stomach in a flirtatious way. That seemed to put the nail in the coffin. I was now interested in figuring out what this attraction would amount to. Still lacking the guts to actually act on the attraction it would be sometime before acts of lesbianism would begin.
Flash forward to my freshman year of college. I'm off on my own for the first time and I now have the option to be whoever I want to be without the judgment of friends from school or the constant watch of my Mom and other guardians. By the end of the Christmas break, I had a girlfriend, yep that fast lol. Things seemed to be exactly the way I dreamed they would be FUN, and EXCITING. Over the months I would break up and get back together with this young lady strictly because I wasn't sure if that newly found lifestyle was really for me.
Needless to say, we broke up indefinitely and this led my down a path of years of horrible relationships some better than others yet still toxic at the end of the day. Throughout the years I began to drink heavily and smoke marijuana on a constant bases. With time a dark void had taken up residence in my heart. My Mom told me that I had become someone else. She was right, I was constantly angry and aggressive not to mention rude!
I began to hit several brick walls such as depression laced with sucidal thoughts, alcoholism, and drug addiction. As I took a look back over my life, all of this seemed to have started around the same time I began dating women. Not that it was their fault but those relationships seemed to be the gateway down most of the wrong paths I had taken. I wanted to change but how! This has been my lifestyle for several years now. All of my late teens and early 20’s. It felt as though my life had been set upon this tragic trajectory with no means of escape. I had tried not being gay... failed. I tried not to drink as much failed, I even tried to quit smoking . . . SUPER FAIL! Nothing seemed to be working yet there was a desire for peace.
As the years went by the desire only grew, which would eventually lead me into New Age-ism. This path seemed to also cross lines with the Bible or its scriptures. So much so that I eventually decided, “you know what, let's see what these pastors have to say.” (TD Jakes via Youtube). I appreciated the sermons, the Bible was starting to make more senses than just sitting in my dorm visualizing to the universe my hopes and desires. Somewhere along the way, I wanted to listen to a poetry or poets who were gay and spitting about a homosexual lifestyle.
That's when JACKIE PERRY HILL happened lol. Her poem my “life as a stud” was the bullet in the gun that God used to pierce my heart. I tried to cut the poem off, several time in fact. Yet youtube was non responsive... perfect timing for a glitch right. Jackie wasn't glorifying the lifestyle I was living, she was condemning it and shining a flood light on the true enemy, satan. I had never seen a saved “stud” before. The image of her was there before my eyes and stained upon my mind. I now knew that it was possible to change. Even though the Macklemore song “Same Love” had become my anthem at the time, God was showing me he had a different plan for my life.
Over the months and years, I began to grow closer to God (Christ Jesus to be exact). Eventually going back to church with a good friend of mine. That first night at the Lakewood young adult service I rededicated my life to Christ. Yes, rededicated but that's a long story for another time lol. I’d love to say that the rest of the story was rainbow and butterflies from there but that's just not the case. I still got drunk, I still smoked weed, heck I even still “talked” to women. Only difference was the Holy Ghost was present and constantly making it more and more uncomfortable for me to engage in such acts. Eventually I found myself not wanting to participate, the inner convection was just too painful. The Lord was calling me.
He stripped lesbianism, alcoholism, and a marijuana addiction off of me. Roughly in that order. He reminded me of my love for fashion and creativity. I began drawing and writing again. Down the line He impressed it upon my heart to start a company called “Nothin But God”, a concept He had given me a couple years prior to my full deliverance. The company was to be a Christian streetwear brand that would eventually engage in outreach. I went out and got the LLC for the brand in 2016 and the Trademark in 2019.
Needless to say, my testimony is behind the brand name “Nothin But God” because it truly was Nothin But God that saved me from myself. If it wasn't for Him, id either be dead or married to a wife with kids instead of my husband. Yep HUSBAND lol God is funny that way. You got to love Him!
It’s all “Nothin But God”, join the mission and help spread the GOSPEL. It still changes lives.
Founder of Nothin But God